Great Chieftain O’ The Puddin’ Race

As my contribution to Burns Night, I present a track by Ballboy, who at this stage were Gordon McIntyre, Viv Strachan, Nick Reynolds, Katie Griffiths and Gary Morgan.

Sometimes in my life
I take all my hopes and dreams
All my ambitions and all my aspirations
And I give them all up
Trade them all in
Put them all to one side

For a springboard
And a pair of shorts
And a plain white t-shirt
And the ability to do a perfect backflip

I think if I could do it
The seconds would feel like hours to me
It would be like medicine
Staying with me during the days and during the weeks
when I’m just pushing on
Just getting by

And it’s funny how your life is
It’s funny how you can spend years and years
Building up layer by layer
And then throw it all away in a second

And I’m not all what I used to be
And although I’ve more or less accepted it
Although I’m no longer trying to change it
I still regret it
I regret it every day
I’m not all what I used to be

Maybe it’s Scotland I hate
I know I hate so many things about it
I hate the way punishments are the heart of everything
I hate the way parents beat their children
I hate the way everything always has to be someone’s fault
Even though some things just happened
Some things just happened!

I hate the way people bring up their children
To be exactly the same as they are
Just so they can justify the way they’ve lived their lives
I hate the way we expect to fail
And then we fail
And then we get bitter because we failed
Maybe it’s Scotland I hate

Maybe Scotland’s got nothing to do with it
Maybe all this has got nothing to do with anything
But I know that I would give it all up
Trade it all in

For a springboard
And a pair of shorts
And a plain white t-shirt
And a perfect backflip

A springboard
And a pair of shorts
And a plain white t-shirt
And a perfect backflip

I’d give it all up for that
I’d give it all up for that
I’d give it all up for that

Another Peel favourite, they come from Edinburgh. Their song I Hate Scotland (FF 2001 #13) is certainly not an indication of how I feel about the country, any more than it is singer/songwriter Gordon McIntyre’s opinion. Rather, it is a song about how appealing the simple things in life can be, and at the end, McIntyre acknowledges that the frustration he feels may come from within himself:

I notice the lyric “I hate the way people bring up their children to be exactly the same as them” – was this written after a particularly baffling Parents evening and does your career as a teacher reflect in your songwriting?
The lyric wasn’t really linked to a specific moment. I think it’s just something you see all the time living in Scotland. I guess teaching makes me spend lots of time thinking about the different relationships between parents and children, but I have a feeling that that lyric would have been written whether I taught or not. (2002 Vanity Project Interview)

Although at least one writer labels them ‘the Scottish Wedding Present’, the band have a style all their own, and resist being lumped in with others like Belle And Sebastian and Arab Strap, who, as Gordon notes, could never have written a song like this. Foursquare, honest, and compelling, it quietly demands to be heard.