This afternoon, dear reader, I thought I’d share with you all what happened to me while I was trying to pass the time on a snowy Korean afternoon. I haven’t played chess on Yahoo for months now: one, I don’t have the time and two, I got repeatedly beaten by sharks with high ratings moving in on the minnows who have never progressed beyond a 1400 rating. However, I decided to settle down for a quiet coffee and a game, and was joined by one scott_polacca. The game started quietly enough, but then he started making strange moves, like bringing his king out on his third move and then sacrificing his queen to no visible effect. He then decided to start chatting with me, and it is his gentle patter that I’d like to share with you, exactly as I remember it.
Scott P: So It Goes >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>nice handle
Me: Thank you.
(several disastrous moves pass on his part)
SP: There goes my queen
SP: away she goes
SP: I’m giving games away today
Me: Really? Why?
SP: FUCK U
Me: you have a really good sense of humour
SP: STFU CIA POLICE ruin the world
Me: Scott, you really shouldn’t drink so much when you’re playing
SP: You know NOTHING asshole
SP: I’m an asshole too
Me: Thank you for that, I would never have known
(He has by this time abandoned any attempt at playing, the clock is ticking down regardless, and I’m enjoying it all)
SP: CUNT FUCKING DICK
Me: How do you know I’m a man?
Me: or a woman come to that
SP: You’re a COP PIG CIA MOTHERFUCKER
Me: errr…no I’m British
SP: Fucking BRITS fucked the world
SP: you started all the drinking
Me: Yes, I had a nice Christmas how about you?
Me: mmm, I did have rather too much to eat I must confess
SP: Stinking asshole you’re all out to get me
Me: I must admit I’ve never heard that word before, I’ll remember that
SP: FUCK U ALL
Me: (game has now timed out) Nice to speak to you Scott, have a Happy New Year
(I sign out, and tell the rest of the room what a gent he is)
Lovely to know that paranoia is still alive and kicking.
Half Man Half Biscuit, Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess